The day of my last university deadline I lost feeling in my left side. Completely. Hands and feet.. even my shoulder and down my back. Only on the left side. I thought it was just a mix of the stress of setting up the show/finishing degree and poor circulation.
A week later it was still there (or not there to be more accurate) and so, worried, I went to see my GP.
She said it was probably a hemiplegic migraine and that she'll have a chat with the other doctors to see whether it's worth sending me for a scan to make sure it's not more serious. 3 hours later.. "go to the hospital and have a CT scan so we can make sure it isn't a stroke". (A... STROKE?!).
That decision may have actually saved my life.
So at 2pm I arrived at A + E with a very worried boyfriend in tow. I had my blood pressure, temperature and heart rate checked. Then a blood test and an ECG. I'd never had an ECG so that was an experience.
The next hours were spent waiting around to have a CT scan. Every hour I had my blood pressure, temperature and heart rate checked. I had two lots of physio tests while waiting which involved a lot of 'can you feel this? ..This? ...This?' 'how many hands are waving?' 'squeeze my fingers?' 'push you hands against mine' 'pull towards you' 'raise your leg and keep it there'
I could do all that. I answered all the questions that repeated over and over. 'When did it start'. 'What other symptoms are there?'. 'Do you have many headaches?' 'are you allergic to anything?' 'do you have a family history of any illnesses?' No. I just want to go home.
CT scans are quite strange. Like sticking your head in a huge electronic donut. This scan turned out to be not clear enough and that i'd need an MRI to give a more detailed image of my brain. The first thing I thought of was that the brain scans would make an amazing pillow collection for my sofa. Or maybe some sort of wall piece acrylic with back lighting..
So I had to stay over and at about 8pm I was taken to the stroke ward. Everyone on the ward was over 65, I think the nurses appreciated having a patient that was easy to look after. It was a strange feeling being on the ward. I'd never stayed in hospital before. The last time I was even in one was about 10 years ago when my brother broke his arm and needed a metal pin put in. It's a busy, noisy place and I probably got to sleep about midnight. The doctor woke me at half midnight to do physio tests and then the nurse woke me at 2am to do my obs. At 4am they did them again and then again at 6am. At 7am they wanted to change my bed and breakfast at 8am. At 9am the doctors did their rounds and by 2pm I was in an MRI scanner.
MRI's are strange things. You have to lie on this metal bed whilst having your head kept in place with guards either side and earphones so the radiologists can talk to you (and you can hear the radio). A plastic cage is then put over the face and the whole thing is slid into a cylindrical chamber. It lasts about 20 mins and sounds like you're in an engine.
Once i'd come out they said i'd need to do another on my neck and injected me with medium so that the contrasts show up better on the scan.
The next day the consultant came round to deliver the news that it probably wasn't a stroke, but still looked abnormal. He said they'd have to do more tests including a lumberpunch - whatever that was.
Turns out it hurts.. a lot. The lower back area is cleaned and injected with anesthetic before the 7cm ish needle (as thick as a pencil led) is pushed into the spinal nerve to extract the fluid. At one point he caught the nerve and my right leg flung up nearly hitting my mother-in-law. She was in tears as were the nurses. I just looked ahead smiling. Eyes wide open, a slight tear escaping from one eye. I can't tell you how much it hurt to literally get stabbed in the back, but I wasn't showing any weakness. Not at least in front of my mum/father-in-law.
I'm still waiting to hear the results from the Neuro man, but they are positive it is MS. It was hard to hear, I spent the first hour in tears but the brave face came out when family came and I was constantly reassuring everyone I will be ok. The hardest part was telling my mum. I didn't want her to see me when I was in hospital because she would get upset and worry. I saw her the day after I came out and the first thing she said was 'so what is it then?' my heart sank, I was dreading this part, I took a deep breath and replied '..they think it's MS mum'.
She hugged me for hours and hours whilst going through all the 'good points'.
She then swept and mopped my floor and tidied my kitchen.
I'm still trying to believe the 'good points' but being the cynical realist that I am, they easily turn to bad points. I realise I might not be able to do simple things or important things like 'walking' down the aisle or chasing after my kids in the park, or popping to the shops. It all might be inhibited by my own body.
But for now, I feel lucky. Lucky to have the people around me that I do. Beautiful, amazing people that were straight to my side when I needed them. My amazing partner that has assured me he'll be there to look after me if I ever got to the stage where I couldn't do things for myself. I told him to not bother and find another, healthier woman to love. He hit me and told me to stop being stupid. Bless him. My mum/father-in-law for taking me back home and looking after me, sorting out my dishwasher etc.
I'm lucky to be as active as I am. The 'stroke' could have been much worse, I could have lost feeling in my whole body and lost it completely like another 19 yr old on the ward.
I can feel my hand now, my leg still feels a bit numb and being the clumsy person I am, I trip over a lot more.
For now.. i'm ok...That's good enough for me.
Thanks to everyone for the support and messages of kindness/chocolatey gifts, very much appreciated.
Jessie x
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